people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize