Can i not drive my cunt home
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
