sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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