Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i would punch a child for taco bell
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
