so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
