TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize