Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
