These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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