You work out of a Hotel?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
