She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
