no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
