I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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