Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
