Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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