We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
