I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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