the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
They have beer where we have blood.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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