WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
