I can text with my tongue
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
