so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
