I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
