but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Everyone says I win the strip club
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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