True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
