2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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