I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
