turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize