I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
When did angry sex become our thing?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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