I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
