You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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