I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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