somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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