The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Randomize
