I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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