LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
