I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
we're making bets on your personal life
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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