Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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