I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
