she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
we're so committed to being not committed
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
