You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
