But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
