So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
