I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
