I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
