you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
