All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
