My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
