I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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