he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
