She is in my trunk
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
