happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
