So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
