i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
