My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I pour the whiskey from now on
This couple is walking their pig around campus
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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