I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize