She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
