Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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