Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
