You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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