Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
