so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
