Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
