dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
