and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
