Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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