I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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