saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
