i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
