and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
