I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
