just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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