Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
