i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
