Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
