i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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