I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
two words...techno handjob
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
