im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
