there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
