I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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