I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
