Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
