____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
